by Charles Barnard
The statistics on fulfilling new year resolutions are not promising. They are also not surprising. The simple fact is a high percentage of people will not stick with their resolution long enough to generate the habit they are seeking. For most people the desired outcome is related to their health. Typically, they either want to eat healthier or exercise more or a combination of the two. If you want to succeed at keeping your resolution, regardless of what it is, there are two key components.
First, you need to find your big why. Internal motivation is by far the most crucial component to following through. Creating that why for most people is easier said than done. It actually takes work. You need to personalize your why and make it real. A great obstacle to success is comfort. When you are comfortable with the status quo, it becomes harder to do the daily things you need to do for the 66 consecutive days that is required on average to create a new habit. You are also likely trying to break a comfortable existing habit. How does someone find their why and then make it big enough to reach their objective?
The process begins with writing your specific desired outcome down. It should be a SMART goal. For those not familiar with SMART goals it is simply a way to make your goals more likely to be achieved – specific, measurable, achievable, relative, timed. They do need to be written down. Handwrite them. Use strong descriptive sensing words. Find pictures and use those to enhance the imagery of the end result.
With that done, answer four power questions. Yes, write out the answers. The questions are what will happen when I… (your goal)? What won’t happen when I…? What will happen if I don’t…? What won’t happen if I don’t…? Answering these four power questions helps to flush out your thinking about things in your unconscious mind that could act as obstacles.
For example, someone my unconsciously believe (as shown by their actions) if they achieve a specific goal they will lose out on something – friendships, money, time. Getting those down on paper as, “this won’t happen when I achieve my goal,” brings these potential obstacles out into the open. Each of the questions utilizes cartesian logic to help flush out ideas. Notice also the language of when and if. You want to embed the suggestion of achieving the goal (when) while simultaneously making not doing it vague (if). Words have meaning.
Next step for making it real is to create a short statement about celebrating your desired outcome. It could be something like, “I feel overjoyed, proud, and incredibly good that I weigh…” Notice the verb tense. You need to write it in present tense. If you write it in future tense, I will, it has the potential to always stay in the future. You need to write it as if it is real now. You then need to read that every day at least twice a day while also visualizing your desired outcome.
When visualizing you need to be conscientious about the submodalities (characteristics) of the imagery. People sometimes create visual images and their unconscious mind sabotages the imagery because they use submodalities that reinforce a negative belief about possibility and does not empower. A subtle shift in the color, or size, or distance or… of the visual imagery can be the difference between “needing” to achieve the goal and “wanting” to achieve the goal. Which do you think brings better results?
Those are key steps in the process for creating your why or your internal motivation. A strong enough why is often all you need in terms of getting you to take action. The second part of the process is all about the action you take and the establishment of a support system or a safety net for when your motivation begins to wane, as experience tells me, it will for the majority of people, even those who have done the steps to create their big enough why. Sixty-six consecutive days, or more, is a long time and life has a way of challenging us – all of us.
The second part then for achieving your desired outcomes is trying to break down the outcome into a process. What needs to happen to achieve that goal. You need to be regularly asking what else. It is also important to ask what will prevent you from doing each of those steps and then how can I intervene so those things don’t derail me. Ultimately, you need to come up with daily micro goals that are winnable. Simple actions you do every day that when done every day will get you to your desired outcome.
Let’s take a look at what that might look like for one of the most common new year’s resolutions: getting more exercise. Maybe you decide that you are going to begin a walking routine in the morning which entails getting up early. You are not a morning person but know if you wait to the end of the day you will likely not follow through because of other responsibilities that take precedence.
You decide that in order to get up earlier you need to have an alarm across the bedroom to force you to get out of bed. You also decide putting your exercise clothing out right there will be another trigger to not go back to bed. You also have taped to the wall some motivational quote that really speaks to you. Furthermore, you have made a music play list that really gets your body woken up and ready to work out that is accessible on your phone and with all of your stuff. All of those micro steps need to happen every day you intend to walk, which may be every day or only 5 days a week. You have a chart posted on your mirror that you can check off when you finished this for the day. Using a checklist actually produces positive reinforcing chemicals in your body.
Maybe you can see the reason you need a big enough why to escape the comfort of your regular routines. It takes work to achieve your goals. If you have the big enough why and a plan chunked down to winnable micro goals, the other component to add would be an accountability partner, someone who will check in and even apply some necessary peer pressure if you have gotten off track. If you are a parent trying to help a teenager achieve a goal, your role is vital. It is very rare to find a teenager who creates the big enough why to do it on their own. I have had the pleasure of knowing a very few but they are few and far between. You can check out my free webinar for more information on the role of parents.
If you have a new year’s resolution and are serious about following through because it is a personal worthwhile goal, you may want a coach to provide the plan, support, feedback, and the accountability. If you are interested, you can private message me or book a call (scroll to the bottom of the linked page). Of course, whether you need a coach in part depends on the new year’s resolution. If it is something like read six books this year or take a class I am interested in, the process is the same but the degree of difficulty may not be the same as something that involves a significant lifestyle change. Everyone’s goal is different but the principles for achieving them are not.